Sunday, January 22, 2017

32 and Starting School Over

Give me a subject and I will write about it.
I know I have a big mouth and can do it, but ask me about God and my relationship with Him...
Now that is a BIG one. One I took a while to try to make short enough to make sense for a college entrance essay. Relationships are complicated. So, of course explaining my relationship with God was hard for me to muster up.  I had to think on it for a long while. I'm sharing in hopes other can see through little pieces of my journey they're not alone. 

"My beginning and Present Growth Relationship with God and How I see Myself as a
Good Match for Southeastern’s Academic and Spiritual Environment”

I have been procrastinating writing this paper because describing my relationship with God and why I know I’m a good fit for Southeastern has not been something I could put down in words. My past relationship and present relationship with God has been anything but an easily written essay but that’s exactly how I know He tailored it to be.

All of my life I have felt there was something missing. It’s almost like I was missing. I was a black hole of a person just wandering around aimlessly, unable to make a real friend, find a real hobby I could stick to, or even a career path I thought was meant to be in. There was a time I denied God altogether. At the time, I was 21, facing divorce, dealing with the start of an eating disorder, and my life was spiraling out of control. How could there be a God that would allow all of this to happen to me? That’s something I asked if “the God” conversation ever came up.

Eventually my heart was softened and life began to get better. I’ll save the details of that chapter of my life for another essay. God began to seem more real and I started going to church. I guess you could best describe me as a halfway in and halfway out Christian. God was place for me. I didn’t realize He wanted a relationship with me. I was ashamed to speak openly about Him or at all because I didn’t want to be what the world calls a “bible thumper,” or “radical.” Labels, labels, and more labels. I put God in a box and that is where He stayed for a very long time.

I’m here writing this paper to attend Southeastern only by the grace of God. He is the one who asked me to stop what I was doing professionally and start over. “Pastor.” That was it. I’m not saying I heard God directly, but the impression of Him on my heart is what He put: “Pastor.” I know in my heart of hearts I am suppose to learn how to be a leader in ministries both in school and through discipleship from church.

I’m a mom of 3 amazing boys. A stay at home mom who also was working from home as an entrepreneur. So when God asked this of me, my world turned upside down. Slow life way down and slow your business down to follow God. My biggest fears happened and many people did not understand why I did what I did and slowed down my business. I had to remind myself daily that fear is not from God and that we each bear our own cross when we choose to follow Him. I will not back down from what God is asking of me.

The biggest piece of this story is that for the first time I realized what spirit meant. I finally found Jesus. I finally understood that God doesn't belong in a box. God doesn't want me to just see Him on Sunday, but instead He wants a deep relationship with me. I actually enjoy reading the bible and life has new beautiful meaning now. I truly have been reborn.

Since then my heart has been bursting daily with the love of Jesus and the hopes that I can help others feel this feeling, and no, coming to God doesn’t mean your life is over. Coming to God and allowing Him in all areas of your life means your life is starting new and is even more incredible than you have ever imagined.

Life is not easy because I found Jesus, don’t get me wrong, but it has new meaning. I know this is the right professional field for me and by attending Southeastern this is part of the discipleship God is asking of me right now. I knew Southeastern was the right fit for me because of the school's mission statement: “Equipping students to discover and develop their divine design to serve Christ and the world through Spirit-empowered life, learning, and leadership.”

I have always known my life had to have a bigger purpose. I just had no idea what that was . So I filled all the voids of my life with other things. Men, food, clothes, jobs, and the list goes on. This whole time I was looking for Jesus. The school's mission statement is exactly what I want to do for others as well but in Ministries. What that will exactly look like I don’t know, but I'm confident God has a plan. He’s been patient with me and now I’m ready to understand why even more so.

Thank you for taking the time to consider me as a future student of SEU. I would be honored to become a student here.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

No comments:

Post a Comment